top sports storiesFor the next few weeks, I am going to be posting entries on both ECUM and a new blog, nowwatchmejock. That address will be my sole blog in the future. There, you will be able to find everything I’ve ever written here, and I will be sharing the blogging duties with another writer.
Thanks.
Happy 43rd to perhaps the number one MILF* out there right now, Diane Lane. I fell in love with you during ‘Indian Summer’, and my love for you maximized during those scenes in ‘Unfaithful’.
(*–She’s 13 years older than me…..not exactly old)
For Graig and the rest of you bitch ass marks, here is the Friday Hot Chick: 5 of my favorite porn stars. I base my ‘favorites’ in the porn industry on tits, ass ,and enthusiasm. Not necessarily in that order.
Oh, all of these are NSFW.
Well, I am now 1-9 picking winners against the spread in the 2007-2008 NFL Playoffs. That’s tough to do. I am really on a roll.
Lets break down these bad mamma-jammas from Sunday.
New England 21, San Diego 12–You know, I really have to question LaDainian Tomlinson’s heart right now. If it turns out he has a torn ACL or something, I’ll back off. But all week he’s said he was 90 percent, ready to play, all that stuff. Then he gets to the biggest game of his career, gets two carries and a reception, then goes to the sidelines, wraps himself in a coat, and sits his ass on the bench for 3 hours. Maybe I shouldn’t question LT’s lack of toughness; I’m sure he would have played if able. But maybe it is right to target his leadership. I understand being devastated that you can’t play after believing you would, but why just sit on the bench all day? Why not be up and encouraging your team? I don’t think it would of made a difference in the outcome, but it just looks really bad.
Well, it wasn’t how I thought it would turn out, but the Patriots found a way to win–again. The Chargers definitely had their opportunites–3 possessions inside the New England 10 yard line produce 9 points. (LT would of looked great in the red zone, wouldn’t he?). They intercepted Brady 3 times. But it wasn’t enough. You have to hand it to Laurence Maroney–he could of very easily pouted and been a bitch about not being a big part of the offense during most of the regular season. But he has been a monster down the stretch and in the playoffs and has provided a needed boost while Randy Moss has been mostly focused on and shut out.
So, congratulations to the Patriots for going 18-0…….the first time this has ever been accomplished. I mean, at this point, 17-0 looks fucking worthless. Who cares about 17-0 now? Its a shame, because the 72 Dolphins have really been a class act the last 35 years. They really never wanted the spotlight, and never asked for recognition for beating a bunch of teams who didn’t make the playoffs. I really have missed Mercury Morris the last few weeks. I can only pray that ex-felon douchebag is in the hospital with open sores on his anus from his years of being pounded in the ass by dudes names Rock while serving his term for cocaine possession. “Call me when you’re on my block, and I’ll be there waiting on my bride.” Mercury, sounds like you’re overcompensating for being ‘the bride’ in your past. Open the door, asshat. Tom Brady’s on the other side, and he’s getting his dick sucked by Bridget Moynahan and Gisele Bundchen at the same time WHILE waiting for you. You and your team of overrated fossils are done, son! You’re done.
(I don’t like the 72 Dolphins.)
NY Giants 23, Green Bay 20–As a Bears fan, you would think I was ecstatic about the hated Packers losing. I wasn’t. While I was cautious that the hype would be unbearable, I was really looking forward to Brady-Favre in two weeks. It would of been fun.
Unfortunately, two things that have been lingering regarding Green Bay popped up yesterday and they killed the Packers. First of all, Mike McCarthy is not that good of a coach. I found it strange that this guy was considered the coach of the year by many, and probably would have won the award had the Pats not gone 16-0. Meanwhile, he totally blew the first game against the Bears with horrible time management and play calling. The second game of the year for the Packers, against San Diego, featured McCarthy calling a shotgun/5-wide receiver formation on a 4th and goal from the 1 foot line; obviously, I found that curious. But after the regular season and Seattle game were over, I figured those were isolated incidents and McCarthy was really the 2nd best coach in the league this year. But he’s not. The Packers game plan was atrocious yesterday. Ryan Grant got 13 carries. I know he didn’t run well, gaining only 29 yards. But you have to give him a chance to establish himself. He had 6 carries in the second half and overtime. McCarthy panicked and decided it was going to be all-Favre, all the time. And that led to…..
…old Favre. In my preview for the game I wrote that the only the reappearance of Old Favre would beat the Packers. Well, he showed up. And the reason that he showed up was because the Packers never established the run. The first three quarters or so, Favre looked decent. But from the point that he threw that bomb into triple coverage, I knew the Packers were cooked. Later he ran around like a nutcase, throwing across his body and getting intercepted by R.W. McQuarters, only to get the ball back because R-Dub was holding the ball like Britney holds a baby. Through the rest of the game, Brett was taking chances he shouldn’t have and throwing bad passes, including the one which eventually set up the winning score.
Again, big ups to Eli. I wrote about it last week, but I am really happy for Elisha. He will be partying it up this week at the 24th annual ‘Go Fuck Yourself, Haters’ golf and fishing trip. Regular attendees will include other thought-to-be-shitty quarterbacks who made the Super Bowl, including Grossman, Trent Dilfer, Stan Humphries, Chris Chandler, Jake Delhomme, Kerry Collins, Tony Eason, Jeff Hostetler, and the trip’s founder, David Woodley.
i took the favorites last week and i went 2-2 and i am doing it again this week.
p.s. patriots wont cover.
oh yeah - dial up sucks and if i werent on a brand new computer i would have donkey punched it hours ago.
I’m not keeping track of my record picking games anymore. I was barely under .500 on the regular season, and my goal was to finish .500 or better. And so far picking winners in the postseason, I’m 2-6 or 1-7. I can’t remember. (Because of an unexplained hot streak picking over-unders, I’m not getting totally killed betting during this postseason). So lets just look at the two games this weekend.
San Diego (+14) at New England–We all know my hatred for this San Diego team. Rivers, LT, Merriman, Phillips, Olshansky, Norv……I hate them all, for entirely different reasons. There hasn’t been a bigger collection of douchenozzles since the last hardawayhatesyou family reunion. That being said, Rivers is playing really well, and it seems that Norv–somehow–is making a case for being a good coach. (I can’t believe I just wrote that.)
But I don’t care how wrong I have been about the Chargers during this postseason, there is absolutely no way they beat New England on the road Sunday. Tom Brady’s boys are on a mission, and while San Diego always gives Peyton Manning and the Colts problems, Brady has never had much trouble with the Charger defense. On the other side, San Diego has a chance to score some points if LT is healthy. But this Charger team is just too banged up. Add to the already advantageous position the Pats are in, being more talented and everything–that now the Chargers are talking shit. Igor Olshansky, a word of advice: Shut up. Call Reggie Nelson after the game and talk about how Brady ‘Ain’t all that.’ But don’t anger the best team of all time before their last home game. New England 38, San Diego 17.
NY Giants (+7) at Green Bay–Like I wrote last week, I’m very happy for Eli. He’s my east coast Rex, and I will back him. Except this week. Eli and his kids don’t have a chance in hell in Lambeau. This is Brett’s year.
Breaking this down football-wise, the only way the Giants win this game is if their defensive front gets constant pressure on Favre, like they did on Romo last week. Then, Favre has to have one of his ‘I’m throwing this bad boy up for grabs’ games and he accounts for like 5 turnovers. But that isn’t going to happen. Favre is going to throw those quick little slants to Driver and Jennings to neutralize the Giants’ pass rush. The New York secondary is decimated, so much so that fucking RW McQuarters is getting quality time. Also, Ryan Grant is running well behind one of the two best offensive lines in football. On the other side, the Giants might be able to move the ball a bit, but the Packers defense is better than Dallas’, who held the Giants to 56 yards in the second half last week. The only way the Giants win (or cover) is if Brett has a 2003-2006 Brett Favre game and turns the ball over. But this is 2007 Brett Favre, and he ain’t having that in the NFC Championship game at home. Green Bay 27, NY Giants 13.
What an exciting week of playoff action. Lets get right to the games.
Green Bay 42, Seattle 20–What was I thinking last week when I wrote “On the field, I like the Packers’ defense to do enough to win the game. However, I like the Seahawks to cover the spread”? I don’t know. I mean, the Packers defense DID do enough to win the game. But I didn’t count on how horribly overrated the Seattle defense was. If you think about it, they looked good against a pretty bad Redskins offense. Yes, throughout the season, they applied a lot of pressure. But look at the stats. The Seahawks were actually 15th overall in the league during the regular season. They gave up over 18 points per game (not terrible, but by no means dominant). And they were only 12th in the league against the run. And what can you say about Ryan Grant? A lot of young guys would have folded up shop after fumbling twice in the first 5 minutes of your first playoff start, leading to a 14-0 deficit. But he ran wild, going for 201 yards and three scores. Great work by him and the Packers’ offensive line.
Then there was number 4. Its well-documented that I have a sixth sense for knowing when certain things have run their course. For example, in this season’s 2007 NFC North preview, I wrote this about the Green Bay Packers:
Brett Fav-ruh needs to go away. Listen, I like him. He’s a great quarterback, perhaps the best of all-time. But he’s holding this franchise back. If he has retired two years ago, the Packers would already know if Aaron Rodgers has what it takes to lead this team and would of either built around him or gone in another direction. Now, Favre and his 20 interceptions a year come back for a 17th NFL season. (Notice that no one talks about how Favre is a really unpredictable guy behind center who is holding his team back, even though he had a lower passer rating and more interceptions last year than Grossman).
See! I always know when its good to quit on things. I am also well-known for other statements, including:
And so on. My apologies to Mr. Favre.
New England 31, Jacksonville 20–So, at this point, what will Tom Brady have to do to top himself in these last two games? Go 35-for-35 in the AFC Championship while simultaneously playing cornerback, then going 40-for-40 in the Super Bowl with 40 receptions? (Yes, he would just throw it to himself). I don’t know. But the guy just went 26-for-28, and the two incompletions were a drop by Wes Welker and a pass that went off Ben Watson’s hands which arguably could have been pass interference. The Jaguar offense played a fantastic game, and still lost by 11.
I’m relatively proud of myself concerning the Patriots. I knew really early on that this team wasn’t like the rest of the teams that threatened to go undefeated in previous years. And lets face it…..as much as I misjudged Philip Rivers and the Chargers, there is no fucking way that Norv’s Crew are going into Foxboro and winning the AFC Championship. Unless Brady dies this week. Thats the only way.
San Diego 28, Indianapolis 24–What a terrific performance by the Colts vaunted defense. Man, that Defensive Player of the Year Bob Sanders really dominated an LT-less team! And Philip Rivers sure was under constant pressure from the tough Indy front.
Really, I know it has been said ad nauseum, but how the fuck do the Colts lose that game? I know Michael Turner and Darren Sproles are nice little players, and Billy Volek is not much of a dropoff from the biggest douchebag in the league, Philip Rivers, but seriously……stop them once. Thats all you have to do. Also, this Antonio Cromartie…..holy christ. I know he’s hardly a new story–he had ten picks and an 109-yard missed field goal return this year. But I really don’t see how he isn’t the best defensive playmaker in the league. Name a defensive player that makes more plays. Do it. Name one. Hurry up. Also, the Chargers are now 14-of-25 on third down in the playoffs. 14 out of 25! Thats 56 percent! And this is without Antonio Gates for most of this time. How is this happening? How are Vincent Jackson and Chris Chambers just running free on every play?
But these fucking Chargers……seriously, has there been a bigger group of douchebags ever assembled on a football field? Probably. But why does Rivers get into a shouting match with fans or refs or opposing players every fucking week? And don’t hate me, but doesn’t LaDainian Tomlinson seem like a little bitch to everyone? I mean, maybe its just that he hates Rivers, and if that is true, then I apologize. But it seems to me that LT is a bit of a prima donna. Also, can Shawne Merriman not be an asswipe for one game? Has he forgotten that we all know he’s a steroid abuser? Or that he got his ass wiped out by Maurice Jones-Drew earlier this year? Why would anyone do a sack dance when he did one yesterday: after Peyton Manning falls on his own after a broken play, Merriman comes over, taps him (so he technically gets a sack), and then he does his ‘Lights Out’ dance? What a loser. And Shaun Phillips? Great player, tremendous douchebag. I hope the Patriots beat them 63-3 next week.
NY Giants 21, Dallas 17–How demoralizing is it when you fight for a 20-play, 95-yard drive which takes over ten minutes, finally scoring a touchdown and taking a lead, and then seeing Eli Manning carve up your defense on a 46-second scoring drive to end the half and tie the game? Pretty demoralizing, apparently. I’m really happy for Eli Manning, and I think part of it is because I am a Rex Grossman supporter. They are kind of kindred spirits, or brothers-in-arms. Both are heavily criticized, sometimes unfairly, and are treated as if they are the only quarterbacks who have bad games. (Announcers saying that someone has a ‘Rex Grossman-like performance’ or that a particualr throw is ‘Eli-esque’ is my biggest announcing pet peeve). But here Eli is, one game away from a Super Bowl, without his Pro Bowl tight end and in a season where the loss of Tiki Barber was supposed to derail the New York offense.
Kudos to the Dallas coaches to realize now that Marion Barber is three times better than Julius Jones. Since they started him in the playoff game, that must mean they know he’s better than Jones and deserving of 20+ carries a game, right? So why wait until now to do it? Also, I’m not even going to comment on this whole Romo thing, except to say that if I was told by my head coach to get away from football for a weekend to relax, and I had a chance to ‘relax’ with this……..
……lets just say I would be ‘relaxing’ ALL OVER HER. God bless you, Tony Romo.
This week, I’ve already given you my hot chick top 20 and a random picture of Sarah Shahi. I shouldn’t have to come up with a Friday Hottie. However, I need a break from work and I figured there was no better way to waste 20 minutes than to pick out 5 solid Jennifer Love Hewitt pictures.
JLH recently has some rather unflattering pictures taken of her at the beach. Lets just say, as an ass man, I should be the last one to be turned off by a big butt. But these pics highlighted the bad side of some big asses. It seems that Love is more wide than full. And there were some dings and dents that, while normal on 80 percent of women, are not especially attractive.
That being said, there is no doubt that Jennifer Love Hewitt is hot as shit, has one of Hollywood’s best racks, and is an infinitely talented decent mediocre at best actress.
Here she is at some award show.
I love black bras.
Black and white. Cool. Lets class up this joint a bit.
Oh, just do Playboy already.
She looks weird here, but what the hell.
Well, that was a rough week. While I did make money last weekend and backed it up with a win on LSU on Monday night, I went 0-4 on my picks. So read my analysis with a pile of salt. Not a grain. A big ole pile.
Season: 120-129-11
Seattle (+ 
at Green Bay: Although the Seahawks weren’t really impressive last week, they did win by 21 points. Then you have the well-rested Pack. Everyone talks about the Packers’ great home field advantage there at Lambeau Field. Meanwhile, the last few times the Packers have played in big games and bad weather, they’ve played like shit (at Chicago in Week 16, against the Falcons in the playoffs in 2003). On the field, I like the Packers’ defense to do enough to win the game. However, I like the Seahawks to cover the spread. Green Bay 21, Seattle 17.
Jacksonville (+13.5) at New England: I really don’t understand all the Jacksonville love. Yes, once again, they had a very good November and December. Then, in their first playoff game, they played a Steeler team with half of an offensive line and no running game. They blow an 18 point fourth quarter lead and only win because David Garrard run 32 yards on a quarterback draw on a pivotal 4th and 2. This is the scary Jags team that is supposed to be the biggest threat to New England? I see the Jags running the ball well, scoring some points, but not having the defense to stay with a focused, rested Patriot team. New England 35, Jacksonville 17.
San Diego (+ at Indianapolis: When I first saw this line, I immediately remembered how bad the Colts offense has looked and how tough the Chargers play them, and thought that San Diego seemed like a lock. But after really analyzing the teams and players, I realize that I have to bet the Colts. Last time these teams played, the game was at San Diego. The Colts were playing without Marvin Harrison and Dallas Clark. The Chargers got 2 touchdown returns on kicks. Peyton Manning threw SIX interceptions. Adam Viniateri missed two kicks, including a 26-yard field goal at the end. And the Chargers STILL only won by 2. So now, with Antonio Gates out, all those guys back for the Colts, at Indianapolis–I’m supposed to take the Chargers? Plus, remember that we’re talking about Norv and Philip Rivers on the road against the defending champs in their first big game since winning the title. Yeah, I’m going with Indy. Indianapolis 30, San Diego 13.
NY Giants (+8.5) at Dallas: I am all over the Giants here. After doubting the G-Men last week and picking Tampa Bay, I realized that this team is better than I thought and has a real chance at not only toppling a banged-up Cowboys team, but perhaps going to the Super Bowl. I really think Eli is underrated. Perhaps the better phrase is ‘too heavily criticized’. Sure, he’s had some horrendous games, but remember this is only his fourth season as a NFL quarterback, and he plays under the most pressure of any player in the league, week in and week out. Not only is he the quarterback of the number one team in the number one market, but his older brother is one of the best players of all time. And with all that, he’s maturing as a player. I expect a solid game out of him against an overrated Dallas defense. But, will the Cowboys win? I think it really all depends on Terrell Owens’ injury. I don’t think he’ll miss the game, as was reported by John Clayton. This is a guy who played on a broken leg once, and played well. But if he does miss the game, or plays but is obviously hampered, I like the Giants to win straight up. If T.O. is himself, Dallas will pull it out. I’ll go with my gut, which is ample. NY Giants 27, Dallas 24.
Because I often just surf the net at work rather than do actual work, I went to imdb.com today and found that its Sarah Shahi’s birthday today. The big 2-8. So as a present to Sarah, I have decided to feature her on the favorite blog of…….at least 3 or 4 people. See ya later, haters.
People slave over a hot stove every year to compile preseason top 20s in both college basketball and football. In the end, what do these lists matter? Sure, they help determine the eventual champion, especially in football. (I mean, if you’re not in the top 10 at the beginning of the year in football, you’re not going to win the title. Even if you go 12-0.) But in the grand scheme of things, half the teams ranked in these lists end up sucking. And teams not even thought of as a contender end up killing it and becoming a strong contender.
So lets stop with the top 20s for college sports. Lists are for expressing opinion and allowing blog writers like myself to get a maximum number of hits while shelling out minimal work. Add hot women and pictures to this list? GOLD, JERRY……GOLD.
So, in that vain, I have compiled the Top 20 Hotties of 2008. This list is based solely on my opinion. Also, you have to be relatively relevant; I’m sure some girl you saw while watching a Lifetime movie with your girl is hotter than Jessica Alba….shit, the girl in my office that sits kitty korner from me is ridiculously hot, and if she was famous, might be on this list. Unfortunately, no one knows her name. And there are no pictures of her on the interwebs. Believe me……I checked.
20) Halle Berry–Pregnant, and over 40, but still smoking hot. Anyone without Halle in their top 20 is a racist. There. I said it. It needed to be said.
19) Megan Fox–Let me say that Ms. Fox might be Top-3 worthy if she didn’t have so many stupid ass tattoos.
1 Mayra Veronica–I don’t know what Mayra does. She’s Spanish. Or Brazilian. Or something weird. But my oh my.
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17) Anne Hathaway–She was number 8 on my list in August, and while I’m sure she hasn’t lost any hotness in 5 months, when you expand the list to 20, one notices some girls that need some recognition. So by no fault of her own, Anne drops to 17.
16) Eva Mendes–I like Eva, but this is for my guy who has been begging for love for his number one.
15) Keeley Hazell–There are a ton of UK busty beauties, but Keeley gets the nod because she has a prettier face and a sex tape.
14) Aishwarya Rai–I’ve been aware of Ash (thats what I call her), but I never gave her full props. Yes, props. Its 1996.
13) Sofia Vergara–See the latest ‘Friday Hot Chicks’.
12) Lindsay Lohan–Oh Lindsay. You keep fighting it. I see you with other guys. Yes, all of them. Settle down already. Or release a sex tape. One of the two.
11) Kim Kardashian–As you can see, I am a fan of those ladies who feel that a bunch of strangers watching them have sex isn’t a big deal. Nice pull Reggie Bush. Enjoy your herpes. Anyhoo…..she’s a slut, but she’s unbelievably hot. I don’t care what you think of me.
10) Gabrielle Union–Am I late to the Gabrielle party? I don’t give a shit.
9) Jessica Alba–Jessica has gone from my number one to somewhere around 3 to number 9 now. The reason? She’s getting too damn skinny. There aren’t many spinners on my list. So, my hope for 2008 is that Jessica’s pregnancy packs on a few permanent pounds on her.
8. Rosario Dawson–Rosario might be a top 3 candidate if she didn’t fuck around with her hair. I swear, sometimes she looks like Chuck Klosterman up in this mother fucker.
7) Roselyn Sanchez–Yes, Neil…..she’s hotter than Eva.
6) Marisa Miller–I mean…..I have no words. At this point in the countdown, if you’re really doubting the top-ten worthiness of a Marisa Miller, I want you to slit your own throat. If you don’t want to die, donate your penis to science or someone who will use it.
5) Christina Aguilera–X-Tina will always be my favorite skank. Sure, she’s respectable, married, and about to pop out a kid. She’ll always be durty to me.
4) Stacy Keibler–Legs. Ass. Blond. If she had a smidgen of talent, she might be president.
3) Jessica Biel–Lately, I’ve noticed that last year’s number two has been looking a little too buff. But the thing about Jessica is, she’s looked smoking hot–undeniably–for about ten years. She was cutesy hot on 7th Heaven–not that I ever saw that show. Then she did that Gear magazine shoot and was REALLY hot in ‘Rules of Attraction’ with Dawson and his creek. And now she look like……this.
2) Diora Baird–They’re real. End of story.
1) Scarlett Johannsen–Did you really wonder who it was going to be? ScarJo has EVERYTHING I love…..nice lips, sexy voice, curves, and what seems to be a bit of a personality. Anyone who says she’s not hot is wrong. No, beauty is not subjective. If you don’t think Scarlett is hot, theres something wrong with you.
